Fantasy Island

Horror machine Blumhouse turn their attention to the popular 70’s TV Show Fantasy Island and deliver an awful holiday trip that is so hilariously bad that it really needs to be seen…..

Honestly, I don’t think I will watch another horror film again in 2020 that had watching with such an open mouth expression. At times it must have looked as if Samara had crawled through my telly and attacked me, that’s how bad I looked as my gaze was fixed to the TV.

If that sounds like a compliment towards Blumhouse’s remake of Fantasy Island, then here is another. I also laughed hard at what was happening at times, that I actually began to realise that I haven’t enjoyed myself watching a film like this for such a long time.

Four star rating? No quite! Fantasy Island is without question one of the most idiotic horrors I have seen, a film so devoid of scares and thrills that you will be amazed that some of the scenes were actually put to film.

The TV Show itself ran from 1977-1984 and has gained a much cult fan base for its story telling in which holidaymakers visiting the island were given a chance to live out their fantasies, in which some would come at a price.

Its a premise that is ripe for a new generation of filmgoers, with its tale of twisty horrors and many surprises, what could actually go wrong?

Well a lot actually!

In this horrendous tripe, we start with a young woman being chased by some masked assailants in what was supposed to be I am guessing, her dream holiday and its a bland set-piece that really does give us a taste of what is to come.

We then follow a gang of five, who arrive on the Island with a promise that one of their fantasies is all set to come true. Oh goody! Any hope of some creative and imaginative dreams to keep the viewer entertained before the terror starts are quickly banished as we get the predictable “another chance of love”, a weird “revenge on the School Bully”, a “meet up with a deceased family member”, with only two friends actually having a blast by wanting the ultimate party.

All of this is being played out under the watchful eye of Mr. Roarke (Michael Pena), the Island owner whose ties to this magical island means he himself has a few secrets to hide.

Director Jeff Wadlow somehow brings an odd mix to the big screen in a film that really doesn’t know what it wants to be. The lack of thrills and scares are nowhere near enough for it to being called a horror flick, while the fantasy elements are to boring and dull that we really don’t care about any intriguing mystery and why a scarred man is lurking in the shadows.

Its just so dull and pathetic to be honest and you never once feel as if the characters you should be rooting for are really in any major danger, which is a massive turn off if you want to see some promised terror.

Just when you think the film can’t offer anymore direness to the viewer, it then hilariously offers up an out of the blue twist that made me howl with laughter. Its one of the greatest “wtf twists” of all time, a turn of events that makes a mockery of what we have already seen and makes NO SENSE to the narrative on show. I mean surely when that was written, there had to be someone on the creative team who had to put their hands up and say “hang on guys….that really doesn’t make any sense, shall we change it?”

The cast that include the likes of Maggie Q and Lucy Hale deserve better, we the viewer deserve better, damn even film deserves better…..

Blumhouse may be riding a wave of success thanks to the likes of The Invisible Man and Halloween, but this is one feature on their CV that they probably need a fantasy themselves to remove from our memory banks.

But then, Fantasy Island is so bad that it really needs to be seen to be believed, just be ready for an aching jaw once the final credits roll…either from constant shock or nonstop laughter….