Urgh!….

We did have a debate here on Hacked 2 Pieces on if we should in fact review this new entry in this franchise that all horror fans know has a sordid backstory on its original director that we will not give the time of day to even write his name on here. Yet we decided that with the promise of a fresh start and with a new man at the helm in the shape of Timo Vuorensola, then it is only right that we should…. but having watched, we really wished we hadn’t bothered.

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn is a ghastly reboot that is one of the worst in living memory. How bad is it? Well remember how awful Jeepers Creepers 3 was. Well, having seen Reborn, you’ll wish for the time when you could at least watch one of these film’s not wanting to rip your own eyeballs put to end the suffering of watching what was in front of you.

The only decent moment is in the first 10 minutes in which we basically get a remake of the original’s memorable opening sequence, but instead of Justin Long, we have Dee Wallace in a car, witnessing a strangle figure throwing what seems a dead body wrapped in a blood-stained sheet down a very large pipe. It’s from here that we are told that the original trilogy of films is no more, in that they are indeed “movies” in this timeline and The Creeper is nothing but a myth.

It could have been a clever way to introduce a whole new monster and mythology to a new teen audience, but the film wants it both ways. It tries desperately to rid itself of its murky past but at the same time realises that the franchise has a solid fanbase and so it feels a need to dips its toes into the previous films, resulting in a dire conflicting mess in which both aspects are never fully honoured.

Plot-wise its basic but for a film that is only a mere 88 minutes long, feels like a three-hour running time. Chase (Imran Adams). and his girlfriend Lanie (Sydney Craven) are enroute to the Horror Hound festival in Louisiana, an excuse for a proper horror setting even though Lanie is keeping some serious dark secrets like she is pregnant and having strange visions about cults that suggests there is danger ahead for her unborn child.

The Creeper is introduced in a seriously laughable cheap fashion, but not as ridiculous as the music “fashion” sequence in which Lanie dresses in a supposed “tongue in cheek” homage to horror that would feel outdated in a 90s movie, never mind a film being released in 2022.

Even writing this makes me feel like I am being too kind to what is on offer. So, let me be straight! You know the usual horror fan saying, “It’s so bad its watchable”, well forget that here. This is atrocious. I don’t know what was worse, the terrible acting, or the awful CGI that makes it feel like we are watching a cheap fan made movie?

The plot itself switches from dumb nonsense to another, obviously trying to set up a sequel that we hope will never see the light of the day and the creeper himself looks like a man in a rubber mask, even though the idea of the creeper placed in an escape room puzzle is a cool notion, it’s never fulfilled, and I am guessing many will be struggling to reach the 45- minute mark as it’s such a chore to get even past the first twenty minutes, such is the abysmal offering on show.

Reborn offered the promise of a new beginning with this bogeyman, instead it probably puts the final nail in this franchise and like the original mythology, let’s hope it be another 23 years until we see this creature on the big screen again, because this reboot along with the behind-the-scenes turmoil, what fan honestly wants to see a further entry? But then, the franchise stopped being good the moment The Creeper revealed his true self in the original JEEPERS CREEPERS and no matter how many sequels you offer up, we’ll never get past that “jump the shark” moment…

0 Hatchets out of 5