Bring back Buffy…..

Despite the presence of some horror favourites in the line up, that include Thomas Jane and Malin Akerman, Slayers is one of those horror films that tries it hardest to be “cool” but ends up giving you a massive headache due to its “lets throw everything at the screen” nonsense, think of the film as Zombieland with Vampires, but without the style, gags and some delightful horror moments, in fact the only thing it has in common is that Abigail Breslin appears in this film, but why she agreed is something you’ll never get your head around.

The only person who seems to be having any fun is Jane himself, his beard hamming each scene as he plays Vampire Slayer Elliot Jones whose constant voice-over brings so much exposition that you’ll forget what he is telling you long before the 18th time his voice starts to drone on. Basically there is a war between Vamps and the humans and there is a Day Walker- a half human, half Vampire who with the aid of a fellow human named Whistler, hang on! that is the plot for BLADE, where was I? Ah yes, SLAYERS, a tale of humans against Vampires where a constant kill count appears on the screen, because you know, someone thought it would be too funny and not at all annoying….damn I wish I re-watched BLADE again.

You know when you are watching a film and know that you should knock it off? Well yes, SLAYERS had me feeling that right from the 10 minute mark, an over enthusiastic attempt that makes Deadpool seem subtle on his approach. Elliot is a slayer of the undead after his origin story explains something quite horrific happened to his daughter, On the other side of the chaotic plot are a bunch of Social Media stars who I’ve already forgotten their names are invited to the home of a mysterious billionaire for some bizarre reason about saving the world, when really they are blood sucking fiends who have targeted this unlikeable group and….well, you know the cliché.

Jane turns up in attempt to be the hero and save the gang, but with the fast editing being slammed in your face to the point of exhaustion, the only thing you will remember is that the infamous D.B Cooper was apparently a Vampire as for a film that tries to be a comedy/horror, both genres are non existent and once the final credits roll, you’ll be desperate to delete it from your memory bank and maybe re-watch an episode of Buffy as a reminder of when Slaying was actually a whole lot of fun.

0 OUT OF 5