Not quite a Scream…..

Its felt like a long time since we last visited Shadyside, the town of many bogeymen and kills, created by the ghoulish mind of RL Stine, whose books have kept teenage readers enthralled for many of years. The original trilogy which hit Netflix in one glorious swoop was well received by fans thanks to its obvious love of Slash, the different year setting of each chapter and of course characters we cared for, along with great killers and some wicked murderous set-pieces. Sadly, this long awaited return fails to acknowledge any of those key ingredients, leaving fans frustrated and even worse – bored.

An 80’s setting, a cool soundtrack and a prom setting, is all the ingredients needed for a decent “stab” at a slasher, so the fact they get it all fundamentally wrong is a staggering achievement. Look, the slasher genre is my favourite within horror and perhaps I am being more than critical on what is on offer here, but this feels more like a dated entry for when the slash boom was dying in the late 80’s than an affectionate love letter to the past.

Trust me, having sat through the likes of The Clown at Midnight, I can appreciate the awful dialogue, wooden performances, even the shallow plot, but even the worse slashers at least try to inject some freshness into their killings, here its unforgiveable in just how dull and bland each kill is. Remember that wonderful bread slicer kill in Fear Street 1994? Where is the ingenious kills here? Its all hurried CGI nonsense that lacks any suspense with a masked killer design that makes you wish GHOSTFACE would turn up and show the killer exactly how its properly done.

Plot-wise, well if we must. Lori Granger (India Fowler) is eyeing up the prize of being the Prom Queen, but needs to battle against The Wolf Pack, a name of a bunch of girls who had to be called something different as the title MEAN GIRLS has been used in a better film. Fina Strazza’s Tiffany leads the charge as the main bully but even writing this reminds me of just how cliché the set-up is. Lori has a crush on Tiffany’s current boyfriend and well, its just one of many bland sub-plots you’ve seen in many teen movies, with even the obligatory rebellious drug dealer in the shape of Christy played by Ariana Greenblatt.

Of course as each girl eyes up the title of being the Queen, in the shadows hides a masked killer with an intent to kill. Its at this point, the horror element should outweigh any of the plot weakness but sadly it just adds to the mess. The 80’s setting feels more like a cosplay, the tone throughout is unsure if it wants to be a SCREAM or a SCARY MOVIE, with even a ridiculous 5 minute exposition plot dump right at the start of the movie, forewarning us all to maybe not waste our time for the rest of the remaining 85 minutes.

An unintentional gag is the fact that when “I’m never gonna give you up” is playing at the background, once the final credits roll, you may think you’ve actually been rick-rolled!

1 HATCHET OUT OF 5